HALF LIFE WORLD NEWS

March 3, 2001, New York: In breaking news this morning, former President Bill Clinton granted pardon to the 3dGaming upstart Clan called the eLiTe 1oOzeRs. When it was pointed out that Mr. Clinton is no longer the President of the United States and cannot grant pardons anymore, Mr. Clinton replied "You people elected me President and Hillary and I intend to remain President until the day I die."

The eLiTe 1oOzeRs started existence as a small group of seasoned Half Life players. Half Life being the online multiplayer game of choice for tens of thousands of gaming fans. They decided to group together and challenge established "clans" to test their skills in organized matches, all in the spirit of fun.

The highly skilled players began playing others online, challenging them, testing skills, always maintaining good sportsmanship. The eLiTe 1oOzeRs riddled their challenges with blatent misspellings and slang terms which made them open to the insults and derogatory comments of others. In spite of such animosity directed towards them, they did not allow themselves to return that type of response.

However, there were those who were threatened by such confidence, comraderie, and skill. They found such actions to be insulting to them and others. A few of them knew the identities of the eLiTe 1oOzeRs and notified them that their actions were considered offensive. The eLiTe 1oOzeRs then stopped their actions and decided that their existence should cease.

This did not satisfy the players who were offended so the identies of the 1oOzeRs were posted on a public forum, even though the ones who knew said they would not reveal the true identities of the 1oOzeRs. eLiTe 1oOzeR d00PiD posted a public apology for offending anyone since that was not the intention of the new clan. The apology fell upon deaf ears since there were those who suspected a larger and devious plan. They believed that the clan was not started for just fun, but in fact, to humiliate those established and dominant clans already in existence.

eLiTe 1oOzeR ChEfBoY posted an explaination "admitting" what the threatened parties WANTED to hear, which was partially acceptable. Other parties stated that they had awaited for the eLiTe 1oOzeRs to reveal who they were sooner and became discouraged when they had not. The 1oOzeRs, unaware of a timeframe imposed by the offended individuals, did not know that they were supposed to do this.

Thus the hard feelings snowballed and attempts were made to slander and ostracize the members of the 1oOzeRs. Not only the members, but the prefered gaming server of the group. The attempts to defame innocent parties were met by much opposition.

Finally, reaching the ears of the former President, Mr. Clinton granted pardon to the eLiTe 1oOzeRs after a reported political donation by the 1oOzeRs of ten thousand Mexican Pesos.