Post Mayan Apocalypse – Year Zero

It’s almost the beginning of  Year Zero PMA!  I haven’t figured out how to convince the world into using my 13 month Post Mayan Apocalyptic Calendar yet, but it’s just a matter of time…

Spark’s Post Mayan Apocalyptic Calendar

The perfect calendar of perfection

But wait! Don’t thank me until you’ve read all the ways this can unify the world while simplifying your life!

First of all,
the PMA Cal eliminates the in-congruencies of how we think and speak of the week with how it is visualized. Most of your classic printed Gregorian calendars show “Sunday” as the beginning of the week. Yet we think of Sunday as part of the week end. Also, biblical references want the “day of rest” to be the seventh day of the week. For some religions Saturday is the Sabbath, others choose Sunday as the “Lord’s Day”. This is just semantics causing schisms and derision between peoples who are supposed to be worshipping the same deity.  F-that. Let’s just fix it. The seventh day is called “Sevensday” and lets celebrate it accordingly. Together. And there are no days named after any religious figures, mythological deities or pagan gods. No reason to boycott something because it falls on a weird day this year. Halloween could always be celebrated on Sixsday and everyone can come to your awesome party this year and every year.

Next,
lets simplify keeping track of dates and times. I don’t know about you, but I have never been able to remember how many days are in a given month. Don’t even get me started on February! I’ve tried all the nemonic devices. They are boring and unnecessary when all the months of the year have the same number of days. How many times have you run into this ridiculous situation with the current Gregorian Calendar:

With the PMA Cal, your birthday will always be the same. For instance, my birthday will always be Twosday, the 16th day of Five. If your birthday is on the 16th day of Eleven, it will be a Twosday as well. And consequently it will be super easy for me to always remember our anniversary. It’s always the last Threesday of Thirteen.

Easier to spell.
If you’re at all normal, then you likely have trouble spelling the word “Wednesday”. It’s not spelled the way it sounds and it’s just a stupid name. At least, it’s a stupid name for a day. I’ve known girls named “Wednesday” and to my recollection they have always been cute and above average intelligence. Nonetheless, everyone knows how to spell the first seven numbers. Threesday is easy to spell, say and translate into foreign languages.

“Oh, I’m going to Madrid on Tresdias. Then I will be in Paris on Cinqjour.” – Simple, yes?

For women,
this could be a blessing or a curse. (No pun intended). Usually your period may always fall on a predictable day of the week. This could be good. Or at least predictable. But for manufactures of birth control pills, it may be easier to package them without having complicated dispensing mechanisms. Maybe we could save some dolphins or trees or something that way. I don’t really know what I’m talking about at this point.

Now
that you are convinced of the simplicity of this system, you may be doing some math and saying,
“Hey, Spark, with 13 twenty-eight day months, there’s a leftover day each year and two extra days on Leap-Year”.
Well, my mathematically obsessive  friend, that’s the beauty of the system. There will be always be an extra special “New Years’s Day”. It belongs to no month and is always between Sevensday, the 28th of 13 and Onesday of One. Everyone gets a 3 day weekend and every four years you get a 4th weekend day which will logically be called “Spark’s Day” and everyone will be required to wear a hat.